"Okay I'll see you soon. I love you too Mom," I said
before hanging up. I was in the car with Amy driving
the forty-five minute distance from my house to my
parents. It was the last free night I had before 'N
Sync started their next tour and I wanted to spend the
evening with the people I loved the most: Amy and my
"JC, I don't know what I'm going to do for the next
month and a half while you're gone," Amy said.
"Baby, you'll be fine. You have school to look forward
to this fall. You'll be meeting lots of new people and
have plenty of things to do while I'm gone. I said
reaching across the seat to hold her hand. I played
with the ring on the fourth finger of her left hand as
I smiled, remembering everything that had happened
last year. A year and a half ago, in spring, I was
reunited with my family and I had Amy to thank for
that. If it wasn't for her I didn't know where I would
be right now both emotionally and physically.
"I wish I could come with you," she said interrupting
"I do too, but we both know you can't. But at least we
don't have to go the whole time with out seeing each
other like the last tour. We'll be back to record in
the studio for a few days and we have a few concerts
here as well. One in Orlando and on in Miami I think,"
"I hope I will be able to make it to at least one of
the shows. I've got a full schedule this fall."
"We can work something out if you can't go. But we
will see each other somehow while we're here. I'll
make sure of it." I promised.
"I'm glad one of us is sure," Amy said.
"Everything will be okay," I said turning to look at
her. She looked up at me and smiled. Her smile was the
last thing I remember seeing that night.
"Amy!" I screamed when I woke up in a strange room
with strangers all around. I was ordered by one of the
many people in the room of white to lay back down but
"No! Amy! Where is Amy?" I demanded. I couldn't
remember anything that had happened but I had a bump
on my head that hurt like hell, and all I wanted was
to see Amy.
"You can't see her right now," a man with a beard told
"Watch me," I said getting up once again, pushing my
way through everyone to the bed next to me. Strangers
were surrounding her on every side and when I finally
got through them I almost died when I saw her. She was
so lifeless, so helpless. I picked up her right hand
in my left and brushed her check with my other. She
awoke at my gentle touch.
"Oh JC, I'm so sorry," she said.
"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry about," I said
as I felt my eyes getting wet.
"Please don't cry for me JC."
"You know, the doctors, they say you're going to be
just fine," I said while fighting back more tears. I
couldn't lie to her.
"I'll be okay, JC."
"I know you will, but what about me? I need you!" I
pleaded knowing it was no good.
"You'll be fine JC, have faith in yourself," she said
with a weak smile.
"I have so many things I want to tell you; so many
things I wanted to do with you," I said closing my
eyes. It hurt to look at her and know there was
nothing I could do.
"I don't care about all of that. Just as long as I
know you love me, that's all I need."
I reopened my eyes and took one last look at my one
and only true love before whispering the words 'I love
you' in her ear. I saw her mouth the words 'I love you
too' before I gently kissed her for our last kiss.
As I began to pull away I felt her last moments of
life slip through my fingers and lips.
"Oh no Amy, please! Please don't leave me!" I pleaded
as the tears began to flow freely. I knew it was no
good though. She was gone and there wasn't a damn
thing I could do.
"JC, honey, your dinner is getting cold," my mother
hollered at me, interrupting my thoughts.
I had been sitting outside on the deck all evening
remembering the night of the wreck; the night I lost
my love. Everything happened so fast that night; it
was all such a blur. I was just driving home and I
glanced away for one second and then it happened. A
sleeping driver came into my lane and I wasn't paying
attention. Sometimes I still blame myself for what
happened. It's just not fair that she got everything
and I got nothing but a lousy bump on the head. I
would give anything to have taken her place that day.
I know that I cannot change the past or I would, but
it has been so hard to move on without Amy. It's been
four years and I'm still not over what happened.
"JC, are you okay?" my mother asked from behind me.
I hadn't realized she was still out here. She gently
laid her hand on the back of my neck and the touch
made my shiver. Amy always touched the back of my
"I'm sorry honey, I forgot." My mom said as she
removed her hand.
I just sat there. I was paralyzed and I didn't know
why. I wanted to badly to be able to be happy again
and I was so confused as to why I couldn't. I knew
that's what Amy would have wanted; she wanted so much
for me and I've let her down.
"Honey, everything will be okay. I know this is all
still hard for you but you really need to come inside
and eat." My mother explained.
"No, Mom. It'll never be okay." I said, suddenly
realizing why I felt so guilty to be with my mom at
"I'm not sure I understand."
I looked up at my mom with tears in my eyes. "Because
I never got to thank her, that's why."
"Thank her for what?" she asked.
"For bringing us together again."